I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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