Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My balls are so social today.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
