What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
