um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
