I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Your cock deserves a montage
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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