if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
