like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my vag is so smooth its legendary
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
