I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize