That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
this boner is exhausting
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
