you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
3pm strippers are depressing
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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