How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
