I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
