She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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