i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Shame is for Republicans.
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