Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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