Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize