Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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