Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
