You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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