I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
