dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
