Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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