The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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