So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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