My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
