remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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