it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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