What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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