It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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