my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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