he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
