i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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