I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
