Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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