its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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