I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
