SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize