i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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