Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
