I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
