Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
