Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
