Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We left an ass print on the piano.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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