Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
