What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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