Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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