i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
