and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
