Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
