Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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