sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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