I think i peed on brittanys purse
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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