If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize