I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Randomize
