Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize