His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
