Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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