you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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