i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
