I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
nutella sex= disaster
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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