will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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