Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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