so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Boobs speak an international language.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
