We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
