you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
