I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
