you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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