i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
