i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
