he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
