there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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