I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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