he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
