arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
