The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
