When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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