you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think I sprained my soul last night
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize