So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
