Someone shit on the floor
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize