it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
