I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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