My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
