please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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