I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
